She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
