This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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