im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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