The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
