great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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