I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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