hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
