Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
