I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
