Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
