just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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