When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
