i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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