sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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