So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My feet surprised me
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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