My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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