And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
