1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize