My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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