so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
