so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
