Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
