it's not cheating when I paid for it
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I have post one night stand depression
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
