while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We are two peas in an std pod
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
