OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
