i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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