I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
