i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
