Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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