she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she smelled like a LAN party
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
