Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
