He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
