The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
