i think my tv is drunk
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
