Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
