I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
