so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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