started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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