I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
