I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
