A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
