Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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