So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I skipped work to stalk him.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize