when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
