he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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