Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
