meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you would pick up someone in the library
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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