hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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