i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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