You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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