i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
