so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
we're so committed to being not committed
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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