if you like me you must not know who I am
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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