whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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