After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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