Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
