He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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