Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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