wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
