You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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