we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
