her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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