how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
