He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
