So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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