U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
farters have to be the big spoon...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
