I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
