i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
