Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
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