Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
