I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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