We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
