So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
